So this post is mainly to let off a little steam. I know I've written about my hard little times before and I guess it's time to rant and rave again.
A lot has been going on with my family lately and I feel like I'm barely staying a float. To start, we have just moved about 5 months ago to Ewa Beach. I am totally in love with my new home and love having our own space to do what we want. I guess you can say we were spoiled with not having to pay bills and spending what we wanted. Don't get me wrong were OK but barely. I'm the one that keeps up our financial books, cleans the house, takes care of our son, cooks and pretty much almost everything else you can think of. Gil is back now but he has been gone during the weeks for the past 5 months working on Maui. So I was literally doing it by myself.
I got a new calling a few weeks ago to be the Primary Secretary and I feel like there's so much to be done and I don't know people and I don't know the kids. I'm trying and very slowly getting there but I feel like it's just to much to soon. I can't write anything on my computer cause apparently our Microsoft works was a temporary thing. The church computer and copier is broken and I need to print out and type up so many things.
I recently (about 4 months ago) started to babysit for extra money. I was praying for an opportunity for Gil and I to have extra money and this came right away. It was for a friend of a friend. The boy I watch is Dezi's age, almost 3, and he is more than a handful. I feel like he might have something like A.D.D. but I can't really tell. His mother has told me she's supposed to get him tested but she never has (I think for fear of knowing her child may have a disorder?). He is only now starting to really speak or try to but half the time it's still babbling and with that there are tantrums because I can't understand what he wants sometimes. He keeps me more than on my toes and I am running after him all day. I feel like an incapable mother because all my attention is on this boy all day and Dezi is in the back of my mind cause I know he is ok. By the time the boy goes home I'm tired and have to start dinner, bath Dezi, clean and put him to bed.
Since Gil has been gone I've been doing everything literally by myself and have gotten used to it. Since he has been home I still do what I need to do because it needs to be done but I get no help. I think he sees me doing it and so he just doesn't do anything. I want to say something to him and ask for help but for some reason I can't. I just think "why do I need to ask?"
And last but not least, Gil has just gotten surgery on his knee so even more so I have to cater to him. I'm working hard and he is playing games all day. I know he can't help but I think it's resentment from past months building up and it's finally coming out.
Although times are hard I know they will get better. My faith is being tested and I hope I make HIM proud. I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with. I really am. I feel better letting off a little steam.
Sorry for the complaints and long post but you know what.....IT'S MY BLOG!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
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6 comments:
Its hard being a mom and a wife and its ok to let off steam. We always follow through because we know it needs to be done and often wont get done if we dont do it. Just communicate your feelings to your hubby. A lot of the times they are clueless to what we really need. He just needs a little more loving "training" on how he can be a good hubby to you. You just gotta find the best way to tell him what you want from him and how. Hope he has a speedy recovery so he can hop back to it!! Hang in there.
Oh, Keli, I am so sorry. It is rough at times, and I am sorry things haven't been getting easier for you. Most the time Brian just doesn't know what I need him to do and I really have to try and tell him what I need before I get to the boiling point. I agree, it would be nice if you didn't have to ask for help, but guys are clueless. There is nothing wrong with telling him the things in your life that are stressing you out and pushing you to your limit, and give him some specific things he can do when he gets home to help. He might surprise you! Good luck in primary! Love you!
it is your blog! please call me, i will come down any day after school (12:00) and help you out or talk! you do need to have a talk with gil. calmy and lovingly. you cannot do it all or you will break. hang in there!
can't tell you how many times i've wanted to write a post like that, being a wife and mom is SUCH a hard and thankless job. you are lucky to have so many friends to lean on.
I just have to make a comment about that little boy....usually speech delays are related to autism.
oh keli, i'm sorry ={ i know how rough it must be... i agree with everyone else and think a loving talk with gil is in order...men are men and they sometimes need soft reminders =)
and as a sidenote with childcare, i've had a child or two like that in my home and when it gets to a point where you find yourself stressed and not paying enough attention to your own child, its time to let them go. its not worth it. you are just too nice and i know you have a hard time speaking up, but YOU NEED TO...for your own sanity. i can help you, give me a call! good luck with primary...it'll get better, i promise =)
Sometimes when I need Brian to do something but I don't want to ask, I pretend I am talking to Jayden, and I'll say something like "I bet if you ask Daddy real nice he will..." and then I fill in the blank with whatever I need him to do, load the dishwasher, change his diaper, or give him a bath or something like that. Or you can hand Dezi something, like the rag and cleaner, and say, "Here, I bet if you go give this to daddy he'll let you help him wipe the table!" Maybe that's something you can try! It works for me, hopefully it will work for you!
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